dramas of my life

I was browsing through webpages today and I chance upon a picture. A picture I have a hunch what it was but still i went in to see the bigger one.

And my hunch my right. And upon seeing that picture, tears fell. It brings back a lot of memories. treasured memories that are only on my mind.

It pains me to know that picture will never be turn into reality.

God bless all the people in that picture.

I do not know what to call it. Nor how to go about it.

One thing I am sure of. Something has been broken. The question is, can it be restored ? Can a broken plate be put together ? Maybe, but it would never be the same. You can use a glue or something to paste it but still the marks are there. Same with a bruise or a cut. It will left some mark.

A mark that would be there forever. A scar that would not be erased.

Tears are running down my cheeks as I write this entry.

It is now, 10:19 Philippine time, and 5 pm Kuwait time. Just finished talking with my dearest husband. At first I was okay but when I type in the words I miss you especially now that I am sick, I cannot help but cry.

Yes, this is one of those nights when crying is the last thing I am doing before going to bed. One of the things that have been an occurence for me since hubby started working abroad.

May has always been my favorite month of the year because of course it is my birth month. Now, it is also the month that I got married.

I always think that May is my month. That was then. Now, I am doubting it.

May 2007 has brought forth so many emotions to me. It was a roller coaster ride in terms of health, love, family, finances etc. Now, I am reconsidering my claim that it is my month.

When my brother went to work overseas, Buma was only one year old. When he went home and ended his stint in the Middle East she was already turning three and her Papa  is a stranger to her. On the day my brother arrived, Buma does not want to get close to him. It took them almost one week to know each other. This is inspite of the fact that my brother calls and Buma talks to him.

This is one of my fear now that Joseph is far from us. Although, Anevay is only turning one this July, and we plan to go to Kuwait this year, we wanted Anevay to recognized Joseph.

All the time, Mahal and I chat we used YM. We use it voice calling features to lessen our phone bills.

Mahal have been spending a fortune for his phone bills and it also would cost him when I call. Somehow, YM helps. But unfortunately, the line sometimes is not clear.

Yesterday, thanks to his housemate, we used skype.

Unlike YM, Skype houses all videos in one window. I find it cute so I copied it.

Lookie here!

 Oh. How much I miss this man.

Feb 14 saw me going to St. Lukes again with Anevay and Maricel.

After the check up plano ko pumunta sa office because I have a telecon.

Although pangit result ko sa urinalysis, the ANTI CARDIOLIPIN ANTIBODIES yields a negative result. Which means I do not have a pulmonary embolism anymore. Yeba! I believe I was cured by Anevay and Fr. Joey Faller.

Along the way sa St. Lukes, Marissa and Michelle kept on texting me. They wanted me to come to the office, i told them I will try.

Once in the office, I found this laying in my desk.

So it was luck that my in laws opted to go home here in Marikina instead of going home in Cavite after they been in Cristobal last night.

Why ?

Because at some point last night mga 11 siguro Anevay started crying non stop. As in. Nakakataranta.

And the I saw na mejo swollen ung thigh na may injection nya. My god! When I’ve seen that nde ko na alam gagawin ko pero syempre clear pa rin ang mind ko na dapat naming ihot compress. Hay.

Iyak pa rin sya ng iyak. Pero pahina ng pahina until she was able to sleep.

I was talking to hubby through YM today and suddenly he sends me an mp3 file of WILDFLOWER.

I asked him why and he told me that this song is Especially dedicated to me. Awww! sweetness.

I know the song. I know some of its lyrics but I have never  read the whole song before.

Sabi ko nga sa kanya ano yan ung let her cry for she’s a lady, let her dream for she’s a child.

Because of that question, mahal gave me the lyrics.

And guess what muntik na ko mapaiyak. This song is really for me. And no one knows me better than my husband.

This is me now.

Tough and smiling on the outside. And soft and crying on the inside.