dramas of my life

Ready.Un ang pakiramdam ko ngaun.

I think we are ready to give birth.

The final mark is the maternity from SSS. I got the cheque kanina and napaencash ko na. And nadeposit ko na dun sa isang account namin.

Whew!

We are ready. Yesterday naman we went to the grocery I bought na the things that I would be putting in JOB’s kikay kit. He..he..I call it a kikay kit. The kikayness na things are of course…baby oil, cotton, cotton buds…etc. Ung mga kailangan ni JOB paglabas nya. I was not able to buy nga alcohol coz my sister told me to buy ung Casino but wala sa Rob Metro East so nde ko nabili. Plus the drapolene (im not sure with the spelling ) cream wala din.

I have already said in my previous post that we are facing a problem regarding househelp.As of this time, I am one day shy of my 9th month we have not yet acquired any househelp. We are coping even if its just the two of us at home. I am still doing the laundry and ironing. Hubby takes care of cooking and washing of the dishes. Although we do not cook a lot.

Pressures.Sometimes its gets us.

Stress.

Sometimes it mirrors in our face.

Both have been our silent enemy this past few weeks. Sometimes when it gets us we ended up speechless, not talking to each other and in deep thoughts.

Pregnancy and work has cause both.

Pregnancy because both of us are worried. With my condition and JOB’s condition as well. I hope God would be good to us so that JOB and I would not face any complication during the delivery. Also, until now we do not have househelp. Yes, We have survived. But now considering JOB’s presence we are trying to look for one. Which is not that easy. And we think no one is available to help. Of course, we also have to check on our finances.

To our little princess,First of all, thank you for not making mommy’s pregnancy difficult. You have been the sweetest angel through our 8+ months. You have been both daddy and mommy’s joy. Even inside my tummy we can feel your presence and your movements are enough for us to be happy and looking forward to our future.

“Job, wag kang papatol sa tambay ha!”Those were the words of my dearest hubby while talking to my tummy.

I can’t help but laugh. Well, for starters ngaun pa lang nagworry na ang aking asawa with regards to our princess.

Hay naku.

JOB is being malikot na this past few days. All the time moving around my tummy. I always talk to her. Sana maaga syang lumabas.

And syempre healthy ang maganda. And syempre mamana nya ung eyes ni Mommy.

Frustrated.Disappointed.

That is what i am feeling right now. Not only for me but a lot of people especially those who are closely working with me.

Yes. Sometimes not all the things you have asked for will be granted yet there are still things that you consider and would end up disappointing you.

Last year have been one of the best year in my life. After lupus.

For most of the years I spent there are is a day in that year that would mirror my accomplishments. For example, for one school year, come March I would be receiving medals. Yes, medals with S. Because I am not contented with only one. I wanted more that one. So I study hard.

These are the things I prayed for :1. JOB to be healthy and normal.
2. To have a normal delivery to avoid complications
3. To be able to survive the delivery
4. JOB to be delivered into our world earlier that her due date (sana sa July 9)
5. Joseph to come up with the best decision
6. And me to be able to be a best wife and mother

Lord, thy will be done.

Amen.

35.So, one more week and I am on the 9th month.

Meaning any time soon I am going to deliver JOB. And hopefully, fingers crossed it will be on the 2nd week of July before my OB fly off to the US.

I want to deliver early than my supposedly delivery date because, one I wanted to see her na. Two, just in case, fingers crossed again, hubby will have more time with her.

Yes, that thing with Hubby is still unsettled.

Dearest God,Today it seems I am face with a lot of things. I am not sure if I would call them problems but anyway this things make me think a lot of times.

Thinking of what I should do, what proper way can I deal with them. Thinking have put me in a loop of thoughts, which just keep me thinking on and on and on.

I wanted to stop thinking and worrying. And with this behavior I know one thing i can depend.

YOU, my LORD will not leave me. YOU will only give what I can accomodate.

That is what I am feeling right now.And uneasy. I do not know how I can overcome such.

The more I come near my delivery date, the more I grow impatient and afraid. Impatient because I wanted to see JOB already and afraid because I really do not know what will happen.

I have this fear that I might die the moment I gave birth to JOB. Of course, I don’t want that to happen thats why I am obedient following the instruction of my rheuma and ob. I also am afraid that my lupus might complicate JOB’s birth.