dramas of my life

Looking back I am proud of what I have been through and what I am right now. Lupus have instill in me a character that was hidden before. That is the courage to fight back.

At the first stages of my lupus, there is one thing missing. My acceptance. I was really hard to accept that I can no longer be the girl that I was before. I can no longer walk fast, cannot lift heavy things, cannot move energetically. I was on the denial period. Even those around me are at that stage.My faith was faltering and so is my hope. Yes, I did look for other means to cure myself. Yet, I was the first to get discourage at the slightest hint of pain.

My world was completely shattered. I was left in the dark.

It does not help that my doctor (a nephrologist) is not familiar with my disease. When I asked her questions she does not answer me directly. Her verdict was i will be prednisone dependent for life.

It does not help that some of my friends or acquaintances put a pity face to me and yet seems to be enjoying the thought of me suffering.

IT does not help that i was apprehensive about losing my job because of the long leave of absence.

But if there is darkness…a light will come your way.

I have survived because God directed me to my present rheuma doctor. Who knows my sickness and its remedy. Not only does he knows LUPUS but all other disease that might come up because of LUPUS.

I have survived because I still have true friends, who from the very start of my sickness have understood my situation and have tried to ease my pain in every way they can.

I have survived because I have been gifted with generous bosses. I dont have to elaborate but to show how generous they are I still have my job (before and after I have lupus).

I have survived because I have a loving family ( my brother, my sister, my brother in law, my sister in law, my three angels on earth luis, buma, aish, and guardians in heaven, papa and mommy) and of course a supportive and understanding boyfriend now husband.

Support is much needed especially sick person that are still coming to terms with their sickness. There might be a time that they are hard to deal with but please try to understand.

Acceptance is a hard process, it would take a lot of time and effort. It has taken me 2 years before reality sink in.

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