dramas of my life

I think it is my luckiest and healthiest year so far after i have been diagnosed with LUPUS.

I am counting the days till 2005 is over and I could say i am successful in battling lupus.

But what is the difference of this year to my previous year? This year i am taking LACTOVITALLE.

I have snatched some entries from my 1st blogs. Entries which were written in random and are talking about my lupus.

This one was posted in my blog, January 3. When I was feeling down because something had slipped my hand. Something that I have long for for a long time.

So from 2002 when I was diagnosed I was on the down down side. Life for me was doomed. I have to put all dreams on hold. I was living just because. And living was not easy.The dark ages came.

It was even worst than what I have experienced when I lost both papa and mommy way back 1995.Then it was only my emotions that went in havoc. I was able to recover and tell myself that it was god’s will.

But having lupus is different. Emotions run wild as the pain become worst. Depression is one of my major enemy that little by little I try to hide in my self enclosed shell.

Health Maintenance Organization (HMO) is one of benefits that I have acquired from employment. When I started with the company they provided me with the card of our HMO. For years, that cards has only serves as a decoration on my wallet. There was even a time when I did not get it from our HR and let it rot there. But things has changed when LUPUS came. And now, I am forever grateful to the company I am working with for putting this in our benefit.2002 - I have two confinements which sums up to 90K. My HMO limit then was only 80K. I have used that up and shell out 10K.

I was only 23 then planning my future. I dream of my own house, my own car, my own family, travels etc. I am always on the go. But when LUPUS came to my life, my whole life STOPPED! All dreams, all plans were put on a HALT! It seems I vanished. I exist yet my existence is close to being bleak.I have that nagging feeling that I would soon die. The pain is unbearable. Imagine having to wake up and not being able to get up? Or you could get up after too many struggle but you cannot walk.

Looking back I am proud of what I have been through and what I am right now. Lupus have instill in me a character that was hidden before. That is the courage to fight back.

At the first stages of my lupus, there is one thing missing. My acceptance. I was really hard to accept that I can no longer be the girl that I was before. I can no longer walk fast, cannot lift heavy things, cannot move energetically. I was on the denial period. Even those around me are at that stage.My faith was faltering and so is my hope. Yes, I did look for other means to cure myself. Yet, I was the first to get discourage at the slightest hint of pain.

I have created this post to tell the tales of my struggle with the diseases that I have been plagued with.

I am a SHE, 26 years of age and recently married.Last 2002 I was diagnosed of having LUPUS and from then on I have been experiencing different pains. Last year, things got complicated when my rheuma confirmed that I have pulmonary embolism after I was operated for having fluid in my lungs.Life was not easy for me. I have to be monitored by my rheuma and now I am adding my obgyne on my list of need to visit doctors. From time to time I go to the derma but I have found it best to determine what my skins needs and I needed to use.